July 18, 2007
By Roberta McCulloch-Dews
Source: Star-Gazette

There comes a time in some toddlers’ lives when they start to hit others. It’s an experience that causes parents to wonder what they’ve done wrong.


However, parents shouldn’t blame themselves, says Susan Carne, coordinator of the parenting program at Comprehensive Interdisciplinary Development Services Inc. in Elmira. “Sometimes we overreact to what can be normal developmental stages. This (hitting) is normal for little ones to try,” Carne says.

During the “Positive Parenting of Newborns to 12-year-olds” program, Carne says hitting by toddlers is one of the topics discussed. Here are some of the tips Carne suggests to help toddlers to stop hitting:

•Model unaggressive behavior in the house. “One of the biggest things is to keep them from toxic people and aggressive people are toxic. We don’t want our children to grow up and think it’s OK to use aggression,” she says. “Life is one long thing of problem-solving. They need to learn (that) frustrations happen and there’s a good way to handle them.”

•Don’t label the child when he hits. “We ask people to be careful to label the behavior and not the child,” Carne says.

•Don’t embarrass the child. “I always recommend that praise should be public and consequences should be private,” she says. “If you’re disciplining a child for hitting, keep it private.”

•Teach him how to express himself. If your child knows how to express himself, he will be less likely to hit. Teach him to say, “Share, please,” and “My turn, please.”

•Expect the best. Most children will behave as they are expected to behave. Explain what positive behavior you expect from him. When he does hit, be consistent in your instruction. This means using each hitting episode as a teaching time.

•Parents need to be in agreement. “If it is a two- parent home, both parents should be in on the discipline. Part of the consequences in a healthy home environment is that parents need to be backing each other up,” she says. “Later on in private, you can disagree, but in front of the child, you’re a united front.”

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