If you have reason to believe that your child has been bullying others, going in with the sledgehammer approach will only raise his hackles and encourage further and even more elaborate defences and lies.

Many children feel guilty about bullying; others have a defence facility that allows them to either justify it or subconsciously deny it. Some children know instinctively that you will not react well to hearing the truth about their actions and will use every ploy imaginable to ensure that you never find out. Others will be as subversive as they are at school and play the innocent because they genuinely believe that they are blameless.

Whatever the case, tread lightly. If you show immediate anger or disapproval, you will never get anywhere and will lose the opportunity both to right the wrong and to prevent the behaviour from recurring.

Moreover, you will lose the opportunity to teach a lesson presenting the empathetic and moral standpoint, explaining and reassuring, and, most importantly, of working out the factors that have caused your child to behave the way he or she has.

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