www.thedaily.com.au
By Angie Kay

There once was a time when being a dad was understood to be little more than acknowledging the kids as you walked in the door and being a distant but looming threat of discipline.


As times have changed, the role of dad has kept up and being dad can mean so very much more now.

We spoke with two dads in the lead-up to Father’s Day about their very different experiences of fatherhood, and what being a dad means to them.

Having had his first taste of fatherhood with the birth of twins Kyle and Beau, now 13, fatherhood the second time around for Buderim’s Pat Little could not be more different.

While his older boys live in Brisbane with their mother and are visited by their father fortnightly, Pat, 40, is now full-time dad to his two younger boys Oliver, three, and Mason, 20-months, following the breakdown of his relationship last year.

Admitting he found the initial adjustment period to be “difficult”, Pat has taken to the role with relish and believes he is now firmly in his element.

“It is great being a dad,” he said. “I am spending a huge amount of time enjoying the beach and fishing with the boys. Oliver caught his first fish the other week and he was so proud.

“We spend a lot of time together outside, just doing things because we all really enjoy the outdoors.”

Indeed Pat has been a familiar fixture on Coast beaches for years, having been a competitive surfer in his younger days and still a keen member of the Alexandra Headland Malibu Club. His business, Surf Exchange, at Maroochydore was forced to close down when he became a full-time dad.

Now Pat works three days a week as a bricklayer and squeezes in surf lessons for young students whenever possible. His former partner has the children every second weekend and shares school holidays.

“It was tough at first, but going back to work has helped a lot,” he said.

“It gives me a break from the boys and I get to mix with adults and just get back out there in the world.”

 Pat said while there are certainly challenges to taking on the role of sole carer, especially the sleep deprivation when the children are sick, the boredom of being inside when it’s raining and folding up load after load of washing, he says he wouldn’t trade his position for the world.

“It is getting easier all the time because of the help I get from the kindy the boys go to,” Pat said. “The staff give me really good advice and my boss has helped a lot to by letting me start work a bit late after I drop the boys at kindy and leaving in time to pick them up.

“My friends and family have also been there for me and have helped me to pull through the tougher times.”

Pat said his is keen to do a parenting course “because there is still so much I want to learn about being a parent” and he has plans to do up an old van he has bought and return to surfing in mal competitions down south with the boys in tow.

“Being a dad to me is just enjoying them grow,” he said. “I feel sorry for some dads who only get to see their kids three hours a day because they are working.”

When Ian Maddigan and his wife Joanne separated in 2001 after 11 years of marriage, they were both keen to stay as actively involved in their children’s lives as possible so they decided they would share custody.

“We both wanted to have the boys as much as we could and it seemed natural that we share them so we came to an arrangement where the custody and the responsibility would be shared,” Ian from Bli Bli explained.

“Don’t get me wrong, we would both have loved to have them all the time if we could so this seemed the best solution.”

So each Sunday night the Maddigan’s swap over and their three children Lachlan, 11, Ryan, 13 and James, 14, go and stay at their “other” home.

“The boys have their own rooms at my place and at their mum’s and they are used to how it works,” Ian, 39, said. “We both get to see a lot of the boys which is what we wanted.

“Doing it Sunday to Sunday helps to keep down the confusion and we all use a calendar we work from so we can organise things into the future.”

Ian a Nambour-based fireman said it helps that the rules in both houses “are the same in essence” and while the boys all have different chores in the two households, “they understand what is expected of them in both homes”.

“There was stress and tension at the beginning and the boys coped better than us initially,” he said. “People make the mistake of over-compensating, but we both kept discipline high on our priority list and overall it has turned out to be a positive arrangement for all of us.

“The boys feel wanted in both homes and they can contact both of their parents whenever they need to, and we were able to work out any problems for the sake of the children.”

Ian said for him, being a dad “is just trying to be there for them and help them to grow up and give them good experiences as well as being able to listen to them”.

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